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Sometimes it's good to be a jobless writer. Take, for instance, that time you were writing a sea-faring pirate-esque story and needed a reminder of what it's like to sit on a boat. Maybe it wasn't the greatest excuse, but you took it anyway to do a quick trade-winds cruise around Waikiki with Jake, the jovial captain, and his mate Travis. They gave you bottles of water and a free cookie. That was nice. They explained that the waves would turn the boat sideways if they didn't get on the engine as they crested, and that the surf was really good that day.

It was particularly fortuitous when the clouds kept all but two other passengers away, minimizing the interference by the usual partiers of a "booze cruise." The two that joined the boat were pleasant and newly engaged - one of them with a name just like yours, only spelled differently. Their cuddling was easy to ignore as you laid on the nets over the water and made notes about how there was very little sound, and the mast made drunken circles in the sky as you stared up at it.

Jake told you about cookie cutter sharks and how much he loves the ocean. He and Travis made jokes, called you "sweetie" which you didn't mind because it wasn't like you were their boss or anything, and just hung out as they sailed.

Then, halfway through, you had to use the bathroom. You felt you had to pretend you weren't about to explode because who the hell gets 45 minutes into a 90 minute cruise and suddenly decides they have to pee?

Maybe it was the water slapping on the boat hull that called the urge up so suddenly, or maybe your bladder just hates you. Either way, you regretted drinking the free water.

Would it really have been so suspicious if you "fell" into the ocean, having left your phone on the deck?

You did the right thing, holding it until you got to shore. You didn't ruin the cuddlers afternoon with a foreshortened boat ride, even if it meant being a little more curt with the guy who tried to sell you your picture afterward. You were slouching in the photo anyway.

At least you got 45 minutes of notes.

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