Doldrums

Sometimes writing sucks.

What I really mean is that sometimes it's difficult to put aside your daily emotional hang ups and actually be with your characters in their world in their time.

What I mean is sometimes it hurts to be a lonely, isolated creative type whose best friend is usually their keyboard.

I mean sometimes listening to other's critiques is difficult and heart-wrenching and tantrum-inducing no matter how many times you go through it or how necessary you know it is.

Sometimes writing words is like pulling teeth and you don't even know why you're doing it because it's not like you're getting paid or anything.

Writing can be a guilt-inducing nightmare when you've been offered the free time to do it (surely you have something better to do with your life?) and a horrible stressor when you prioritize your day job/housework/errands/relationships/health over pushing the word count out.

I know this is like talking shit about one's children - I should really be happy to have my calling and creativity and free time and supportive spouse. Don’t get me wrong - I'm grateful. But sometimes, the well of compassion I have for my own work runs dry.

Sometimes, I'm just stuck in the doldrums. And you know what? I try to keep writing anyway. My goal is that word count and the more I meet it, the easier it gets and the easier it is to convince myself that I'm not wasting my time, but I'm working toward something.

Now, if you'll excuse me - my banshee-wererabbit-western-erotica needs tending to. Good day!

Comments

  1. Taryn ImwalleFebruary 5, 2015 at 6:49 AM

    "Sometimes writing words is like pulling teeth and you don't even know why you're doing it because it's not like you're getting paid or anything." THIS THOUGH.

    I feel you, Ree. Ever since I have been "enjoying" unemployment, writing has been more tedious than pleasurable. I have all the free time in the world, and yet I find that I have to force myself to sit down and crack open the computer because I just don't "feel inspired." Even as I write this comment, the blinking cursor on my minimized Word document that is my unfinished novel taunts me, as if burned onto my damn retina. For the past two days, the backspace button has seen more action than the space bar! Part of this writer's dysphoria is certainly due to the fact that the chapter I am currently working on had been written once before, but was lost in a hard drive crash. Therefore, I can't help but think that the original copy was better than whatever I'm currently trying to torture out of my tired brain. Every sentence is an uphill battle that I'm losing. I can feel like Sisyphus, sliding down a mountain made of discarded parts of speech...

    I miss the Writer's Guild.

    Here's to hoping that your writing endeavors since this post have been less like pulling teeth and more like driving a convertible down an open country road. I could use a break from the dentist office myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carrie CallahanFebruary 5, 2015 at 4:40 PM

      Well, yesterday I spent the day at the library and that was certainly nice! Though it can still be difficult to write past a certain point..

      "I can't help but think that the original copy was better than whatever I'm currently trying to torture out of my tired brain."

      I would recommend banishing this thought! I've lost work before, so I understand. Maybe try to think about editing. Most of what your first draft was would probably be deleted or completely transformed by the time you get to the final version. Trust yourself to get to that final version - no matter whether you started with this first draft, or the lost one. You'll get there.

      Also, try putting off editing until the next day at least - if not a year after the first draft is finished. It can really bog you down at the start if you're not careful.

      Delete

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