The Ego Bubble

The ego bubble is the enemy.

For the better part of a year I haven't shared my work. I've been writing in a thick bubble free of any criticism - constructive or otherwise. Just last week, I popped that bubble by submitting a story to my writer's group. When I heard what they had to say, I was gobsmacked! I reacted poorly.

My issue was not the response to the story I submitted, but my response to receiving feedback.

I've always touted the necessity of workshop to learn the flaws of your writing, and touted not being defensive. But there I was - defending! I'm of a rather firm belief that if the story doesn't explain the idea you want to get across to the reader, than you aren't doing your job. No amount of background information directly from your mouth to the group is going to save that story - only revision will. I was upset by my own hypocrisy.

I'd thought of myself as having a thick skin, being able to take critique, but I was clearly wrong. I also thought my writing "didn't need much work." I was wrong there also. In fact, the latter was the driving force behind the former. If I didn't have such an ego about my work as it was, I doubt I would have felt so sensitive.

Contributing to these two detrimental ideas was my experience in college. Throughout workshops, I busted my ass to release the best story I could muster to my classmates and then - as one is wont to do in class - to learn from their feedback. The setting assured me that the other students were doing their best not only to criticise, but to teach. In this light, getting critiqued was amazing because I was in a room with two dozen potential teachers. The feedback was also fairly constant. Whether I was giving or getting, I was in the room with the same readers/critiquers/teachers/writers two to three times a week.

In contrast, I've been fairly isolated since graduating college. This past critique was the first time in almost eleven months(!) that I've had my work looked at critically by other people. Additionally, it was an informal setting that didn't make me think "teacher" so much as "amateur". This mindset is toxic.

Don't get me wrong, I really like my writing group! I hope they don't think they've scared me away with their frank reflections - quite the opposite! I've realized that what I need is more, not less, feedback. I need to toughen my skin back to college standards (at least) and stop writing in a vacuum.

It's time for me to find my potential, and I believe writers only do that with feedback. We spend so much time in our own heads that it can be difficult to realize where we need work. Everything seems wonderful in our own little world, but writing is only one side of a two way street. The other side is reading. If what I write doesn't translate back to others, than I feel like I'm not doing my job. It's time to float back down to reality and really get to work.

What do you think? Have you ever felt like your work was too good to need critique? Have you ever had to bring yourself down a peg or two? Let me know in the comments!